


The Journal

by IllFindMyWay_InTheMoonLight



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), swan queen - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Depression, Domestic Violence, F/F, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 21:17:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8939683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllFindMyWay_InTheMoonLight/pseuds/IllFindMyWay_InTheMoonLight
Summary: Emma loses a journal and Regina finds a journal.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: abuse, domestic violence, depression, suggested abortion, masturbation.

Warnings: abuse, domestic violence, depression, suggested abortion, masturbation.

Emma was a stubborn blonde who seemed to be incapable of expressing any emotion, left alone feel anything close to an emotion. She had grown up in the American foster system, which is safe to deem unsafe for children with emotions, so it makes a whole lot of sense. Emma learnt at a young age that emotions were weakness- it was almost as if Cora had gotten to her as well- so she learnt to hide them.

She hid them in a journal that never saw the light of day. It stayed hidden for all days except Sunday, which was the day that Emma wrote in it. It was like clockwork really, Emma wrote in it every week without fail, and once the book was filled she'd hide it under a floor board or in a secret compartment and then buy a new one. That was the only routine in Emma's somewhat crazy life.

Emma was used to buying a new book every 10 months or so but for the five years that she had been living in Storybrooke she seemed to be buying a new journal every three or four months. It was the first time in her life that her emotions were hard to keep up with. In past years she had written mostly of anger but now days it was a whole range of emotions, sometimes her emotions were so foreign to her she didn't even know what to call them, or even how to describe them without ranting for a page about it.

It was safe to say Emma's life had been rather insane in the past few years; a child, magic, discovering her whole family was a bunch of fairy-tale characters, travelling realms, falling in and out of love- you name it, she has experienced it.

…

It was rather late at night when Emma came home, or back to Snow and Charming's apartment, It had been a busy few days at the station so she hadn't been home in a couple of nights. Snow hadn't believed Emma about the station being busy, she thought Emma was lying- trying to pull away. Emma saw Charming asleep on the couch with the TV still on so she didn't dare wake him, she just made her way quietly to her room atop of the stairs.

It was then that she found Snow in her room. Snow looked like she was searching for something and Emma, with fear of Snow finding her journal, interrupted the search.

"Snow?" Emma queried as she leant against her doorframe. "What are you doing?" The question was rather curious but it had a slight undertone of anger. And it was something Snow could hear.

"Oh, I was just checking for any dirty clothes, I just wanted to help you keep on top of your washing." It was an obvious lie and both of them knew it. Snow wasn't sure what exactly she was looking for but it would have to have something to do with Emma pulling away; apartment listings, plane tickets, Snow was very anxious and very nosy.

Emma didn't know what Snow was looking for either, but she knew she didn't like Snow snooping around especially when she was so close to Emma's journal.

"Couldn't find anymore." Snow finally added sheepishly as she made her way out of Emma's bedroom.

Emma waited for Snow to reach the bottom of the stairs before she closed her door and started to remove her clothes. As soon as she stood naked in the middle of her room she moved quickly to her bed and flopped down onto it and waited for sleep to consume her.

The next morning Emma was woken by her phone buzzing somewhere on the floor rather than her alarm; maybe because she didn't set an alarm. She slowly made her way to the pants she had thrown on the floor the night before and reached for her phone in the back pocket.

The caller ID read "Regina hot stuff Mills" the phone quickly stopped buzzing before Emma could swipe to answer it. Regina's caller ID was mostly a joke, it was true that Emma found Regina attractive among other things but it was Ruby who decided to make that her ID due to the fact that Emma spends a little too much time looking at Mayor Mills.

Emma's phone begun to buzz again in her hand, the same caller ID appeared, so Emma quickly swiped to answer it in hopes she wouldn't be yelled at by the brunette on the other end of the phone.

"Regina" Emma greeted softly as she prepared for the worst.

"Emma" It was softer than Emma imagined it would be, it was nice. "I know things at the station have been rough lately-" Emma thought that was an understatement. Things had been a little more than rough. It was a string of murders, three women in three weeks with no leads as it appeared they had been magical murders, but with Rumple being human again and Emma and Regina being the "Saviours" of the town there was no one to point the finger at that Emma or Regina could think of. Emma had spent days and nights with Regina and Charming trying to crack the case open, but with a lack of leads it was becoming harder and harder to stay positive. "But I was wondering if you could come to my office today with those files Belle gave you yesterday?" Regina waited patiently and quietly for Emma's response.

"Yeah" Emma paused to look at the time. "Give me half an hour?"

Regina knew it wasn't really a question so she just responded with a calm "See you soon."

Emma pulled on the same pants from yesterday, the ones that were still in her hands and went to find a clean t-shirt. Emma was ready to leave with keys in hand within 5 minutes before she remembered what had happened last night, Snow and her snooping, Emma decided for safety measures that she would take her journal with her along with the files from Belle.

…

Emma pushed though Regina's office door without even knocking, this was due to the new relationship Emma and Regina had; it was mainly a working relationship but it was friendly, they were calm and soft with each other now- it was as if all the fighting had just worn them out too much- Of course there was still banter and sassy remarks but it was all harmless fun and both of the women knew that.

"Hey Regina." Emma said as she trudged over to the large desk in which Regina sat behind.

"Hey," Regina coolly responded without looking up from her laptop.

"How's Henry?" Emma asked as she hadn't seen him in a few days due to working so much on the case.

"Well. He got an A in his science project." Regina had now lifted her eyes from her computer screen. "He misses you."

Emma nodded. "And I him. Tell him I'm very proud of him."

Regina simply nodded and moved the conversation on. "Are those the files?" She asked gesturing to the rather large stack of papers in Emma's hands.

Emma stalked closer to the desk and placed herself into one of the seats in front of it. "Yeah. A list of all the residents of Storybrooke who are suspected or are confirmed to possess magic- and a fairly large profile on them." And with that Emma placed the large stack on top of all of Regina's other files.

"Thanks," Regina drew out in a sarcastic tone as she squinted at Emma with a small smirk pulling at her lips.

"You're most certainly welcome, Madam Mayor." Emma retorted with a cheeky grin as she tipped an imaginary hat in Regina's direction.

Regina laughed before excusing Emma as she was clearly too tired to have more of a conversation. Emma just nodded and made her wait out of Regina's big white office.

It wasn't until Emma was home after her drop in to Regina and a lunch break at Granny's that she realised her journal was no longer on the passenger seat of her bug. Emma let out a loud scream and hit the steering wheel with her left hand, hard- it hurt. Emma sighed as she turned the key of the bug to the on point which brought the bug back to life.

Emma made her way back to the diner and with no luck she headed to Regina's office, hoping praying that she hadn't picked up the journal with the files for Regina. Regina couldn't read it! It just wasn't an option so Emma pushed down on the gas.

Emma rushed back into Regina's office only to find it empty. Emma checked for the time on her phone. 6:01pm. she had clearly gotten up a lot later than she remembered. She stomped her foot down knowing Regina and the files were gone.

…

Emma didn't bother to make her way over to 108 Mifflin Street, it was late enough and Emma was tired. Though, Emma once home did send a text to Regina.

And feeling confident that Regina would reply by the morning, she headed off to her room to watch some much needed 'How To Get Away With Murder' and got ready for bed.

Morning come with a large amount of sun streaming into Emma's room.  _Damnit Snow!_ Emma thought as she had noticed the opened curtains, courtesy of Snow she guessed. Emma groaned as she pulled herself into an upright position. She had to be back at the station within an hour she noted as she checked the time on her phone, she also noted that Regina hadn't replied- Emma put it down to the fact that Regina didn't have to journal, which was sort of a relief but it just meant Emma would have to have a better look for it.

…

Across town Regina was already entering her office, only early by 30 minutes. That day she had offered to take Henry to school in hopes to spend little more time with him as he hadn't been getting a lot of attention from his Mothers in a few weeks.

Regina walked through the doors with her head held high despite the weight of the papers she was carrying. Regina walked straight to the large conference table to the left of her desk and placed all her files on it nearly. She would deal with them later, but for now she needed to get back to some of her mayoralty duties.

Regina spent her morning in meetings with the town's people as well as one interview by the Mirror's new reporter. By lunch time she had worn herself thin, so unlike most days she decided to actually take her hour lunch break. She sat on the couch to the right of her desk as she ate a homemade meal, leftovers from the night before. Regina was even tempted to take a nap after finishing her food, this was truly the most tired she had been in decades; she was hoping this case would be over soon, and with that thought she decided she would work on Belle's files some more.

Regina had been texting back and forth with Emma as she read the files, she had given Emma a few names and address that she thought may lead to clue in the case- Emma simply followed orders, at this point she was too tired to argue and try and figure it out all by herself.

The rest of Regina's afternoon was spent divided between the piles of Council work she had to attend to and the files that Emma had shared with her. Soon five hours after lunch turned into six, it was then that Regina had text Snow in hopes she and Charming could take care of Henry that night and at least Emma would be able to see him. The sixth hour pulled out to the eighth and then to ninth, when the tenth hour rolled around Regina decided that that was enough, she couldn’t take anymore. She abruptly stood from her fancy office chair and collected her personal items.

On her way out she remember to turn off her office light, but before doing so she turn back to check her office was in order, and to her shock it actually wasn't- there was a book or folder under the front of her table. On closer inspection it looked like her dairy calendar so she scooped it up and without a second thought marched out of her office.

Regina got home to her large manor and noted the lights weren't on, which meant that even though Snow didn't text back she had still picked Henry up. Regina unlocked the front door and made her way straight to her bedroom. She placed all her belongings in their rightful place and quickly changed into her silk pyjamas.

After sliding herself into bed Regina took a moment to look at her phone, perhaps Henry had messaged- or maybe even Emma. And to Regina's delight there actually was a message from Emma.

**Hey, we are having a surprise birthday for Ruby this Saturday. Pencil it in for 7 o'clock**

Regina sighed, hoping for something else, but she wasn't too sure what she wanted that "something else" to be.

Regina lifted herself from her wide king sized bed and stalked over to her dairy calendar; upon opening it she realised it clearly wasn't her dairy. It was beautiful cursive writing that cover every page from top to bottom.

Regina, despite her mind telling her it was a bad idea, flicked back to the first page and began reading.

 _I'm late_  
in a couple of days  
I say again and again  
too afraid to tell a friend

_This is it  
this is the end_

_I'm late_  
fearful days turn into night  
this isn't my fate  
I shouldn't be late

 _Two minutes to wait_  
I won't be late  
I can't be late

_I thought I was losing weight_

_They should've had better education_  
told us to have more caution  
they treat it with damnation  
then tell us to hush up

 _They should have given us a way of contraception_  
but instead they taught us with deception  
which gave us all misconceptions

 _I'm late_  
I refuse  
this isn't my fate

 _I'll cut it out_  
that part of me  
the one that makes me late

_This isn't my fate_

_I'll make it so they never know_

_This isn't my fate_  
please please please  
I'll never be late  
never again

_It's too late._

The entry was dated to 4 months ago

Regina slapped the book shut in. Regina can't believe she just read someone's clearly private journal. She took a moment to take in the words. Regina couldn't even begin to understand how this person felt, but she did have a good idea about that the poem was discussing. She held the book tightly in her hands and turn it over to search the back for a name or something that would identify the author- Regina wanted, needed, to give it back.

…

Days went on, as did the case. Regina grew more and more swamped with council work and more and more residents became afraid of this "bat shit crazy killer” although they hadn't killed a fourth person which was good because the 5th week of the case was coming to an end.

As the weeks went on Emma became more and more irritable and restless, Regina and David put it down to stress about the case; but in actual fact it was because Emma still hadn't found her journal, she had brought a new one- which she needed anyway because the other one was full- but it still scared her that someone could be reading it, someone could know her darkest secrets and fears. That was the thing that stressed Emma to no end.

And little did she know it was sitting on Regina's night stand. For a while Regina had try to resist reading the dairy but she was obsessed with the writing, she found it beautiful in a haunting type of way, so ever night for about a week now she had read one entry before heading to sleep. Regina still didn't know who the journal belonged to, but she was hoping to find clues; for multiple reasons.

…

It was the 7th night Regina had found herself reading the journal and this night brought her to tears.

_I feel sick  
I feel weak_

_I can barely breathe when I'm with you  
but when you're gone I miss you so much_

_A hot flash fever_  
I'm thinking of you  
I'm thinking the craziest things  
I love you so much  
I love you too much

 _I wonder, what if_  
I cant- I scream on the inside  
men, why are they my issue  
I'm jealous

 _I can barely breathe_  
I feel sick  
I never want you to leave

 _I love you too much_  
it drives me insane  
I don't know how to cope  
I don't know what to do

_I'm waiting for your call_

_I don't know how to act_

_I feel sick to the core_  
to have these thoughts  
I don't know how to tell you  
but sometimes I just want you all to myself

 _I feel sick_  
a hot flash fever  
I feel weak

_I can't love you, not while he is around._

The reason Regina spared a few tears for this poem was because she knew the feeling of heart ache and jealously all too well. Regina had been aching ever since her and Robin parted, they just weren't a match- being together for them was a task. Although Regina had initiated the breakup she still hurt, deep down in a place she would rather not acknowledge, the pain wasn't for Robin but more for love, she had a desire to be held at night like Daniel had done once, many years ago.

As Regina lay in her empty bed she pondered the poem and what it was truly about, and who it was about.

…

With days turning into more weeks Regina grew more and more attached to the journal and the author, she became attached to their stories and, well, to them. It was almost as though she started having feelings for the author.

And with Regina's growing happiness came Emma's growing misery. The two became less friendly with each other and began working on the case almost separately only sending an email every few days to each other with updates on the case and leads they had.

… _  
_ This poem was from 3 months ago

 _I've known her so long_  
it doesn't make sense  
he doesn't believe me  
he says it's an excuse

 _I have to leave him_  
that's obvious now  
but what do I do

 _About_ her _I mean_

_He's out of my life  
out of town_

_My words like a stabbing knife_  
he finally gets it  
he's leaving  
but not before one hit

_The bruise hurts more than his absence_

With each word that Regina read she grew more and more curious, this person, the author had so much hurt, Regina couldn't help but empathise. She needed to know more but she had promised herself that she would make the journal last, one poem a night.

…

Regina walked into Emma's office on the day that marked week 8 of the murder investigation. There had been no more murders which everyone was glad about, and with that collective sigh of relief from the town people started to gossip about the murders and the murderer, the towns folk had nicknamed them "the tragic magic show" which in a way made people feel safer about it, in a very weird way.

Emma was about 3 inches from her desktop upon Regina's arrival, she didn't move her head even after hearing her name. Regina called Emma's name three more times before losing her cool, which was very unlike Regina but in this situation it fit- almost- Emma hadn't said a word to Regina in person for over two weeks, Emma hadn't spoken to most people in over two weeks and when she did it was some sort of outburst of anger.

"Emma Swan! Look at me!" Regina demanded as her hands slapped down on Emma's desk startling her, just a little.

"Whoa!" Emma yelled back as her brow turned into a frown. "No need for that." Emma deadpanned as she rose from her old tattered chair.

"Well at least I have your attention now." Regina said coolly as she straightened her clothes and put herself back together. Emma just rolled her eyes and waited for Regina to continue "I have a lead, a good one." Emma's brow now rose, asking Regina all the questions that she didn't say out loud. "The hermit man who lives on the outside of town, Peter Patter, we looked into a few weeks ago," Emma nodded letting Regina know it was okay to continue "Well I have a reliable eye witness that saw him in town on the night of the first murder, which contradicts his story of "being home all night" we know he has a small amount of magic. I think you should check him out."

And with that Regina turned to leave, it wasn't until she was at the door that Emma called after her. "Regina! Wait!" Regina turned to Emma hoping that she wasn't about to be yelled at for some wild reason or another. "I'm sorry, about everything, this case has been so hard on me and well some other things, but it's no excuse for the way I have been treating people, especially you since all you've done is try to help."

Regina didn't have time for a heart to heart, as much as she would actually like to, she had a meeting to be at. "It's okay Em- we're okay. Now go follow that lead." and with that Regina stalked out of the station leaving the echoes of her clicking heals in her wake.

…

2 and a half months ago. Regina guessed this poem was about the search for freedom that only came when the author slept, but honestly she had no idea if she was right.

 _I'll howl at the moon_  
listen to my cries  
that soulful tone

 _Let the rain_  
drip on my skin  
listen to it tap  
on the tin, tin, tin

 _Caged inside I listen_  
I watch it all unfold  
lightning strikes  
a jump full of fright  
the clouds are east bound  
over the sea  
away from this town

_This storms been brewing  
a long time coming_

_Stop what you're doing  
focus on the night_

If Regina didn't know any better this one poem could suggest the author was Ruby, but Regina did know better. Regina still craved to know more, she couldn't hold on anymore so she read another.

_The miles I travel  
seem like light years_

_I can barely see  
through all my tears_

_Darling you're my knight in shining armour  
you chase away my fears_

_Oh darling  
I really need you tonight_

_City to city_  
too many lights  
so many towns  
too many nights  
so many nights that meet the blinding sun  
I wish I could call you home  
but darling you're on your own throne

 _You don't need me_  
but I need you  
don't you see?  
I'll admit defeat, tell the truth  
you the knight I never wanted  
but god you're the knight I need

_But I'm the wonderer  
I'm just passing through_

_If I could stay  
I'd stay for you_

Upon finishing this poem- written less than two months ago- Regina could feel a lump in her throat and tears running down her cheeks, after weeks of reading this journal she realised how much of a fool she had been, to think in any way she would be able to love this author, let alone figure out who they were. Regina throw the journal to the ground and screamed into her pillow (so she wouldn't wake Henry) how could she think she had a chance! She was an idiot.

That night Regina went to sleep crying, but this time is wasn't of joy.

Regina didn't read another entry for a few days, she had to breathe. She just couldn't believe she had been so foolish! She figured her mother was right after all, love  _is_ weakness.

But eventually Regina picked the journal up from her bedroom floor, it was left in the same place where she had thrown it a few days ago. There was little left of the journal, Regina justified it as investigative work as the last few poems may have a clue to who the author may be- little did Regina know, she was right.

 _I think of her at night_  
my lungs burn  
my mouth dry  
I begin to yearn

 _A hand to my nipple_  
I pretend it's her  
the other pulls on my underwear

 _I'm wet just thinking her name_  
so wet I can feel it on my thighs  
I'm her's to claim  
she gets me high

 _I touch myself_  
so wet  
fingers deep inside

_I burn for her  
so many times, her name cried._

Regina had her hand between her thighs before the end of the poem. Regina was glad that she had confirmation that the author was a woman, the poems had danced around the idea and use of gendered pronouns but finally Regina knew and she wasn't all surprise. She touched herself to the thought of this mysterious women on top of her; Regina had been with women before but never had she  _needed_ to be with a women- and this, lord, this was a need.

…

The next morning Regina woke at 6:04am to the sound of her phone buzzing on her night stand. She rolled over and quickly swiped to answer as she moved the phone to her ear. Before she could say anything she heard a loud squirrel followed by "Regina!" It was Emma, and she sounded  _Happy._

"Emma?" Regina returned.

"Come to the station, NOW!" the phone line went dead and Regina rolled onto her back with a loud groan, she didn't have to be awake for another hour, yet here she is.

Regina was quick to get ready and leave, and mindfully left a note for Henry.

Regina almost ran into the station assuming something was wrong with Emma, or something was right?

Emma spotted Regina as soon as she entered the door. Emma was on her feet before she could finishing saying "that's that!" and quickly took Regina into a bear hug, which was the first time in weeks that Emma had hugged Regina… coming to think of it, Regina and Emma had only ever hugged when it was with Henry.

Emma, with a massive grin on her face, pulled back from the hug and dragged Regina down the hallway to the interrogation rooms. Emma just pointed through the one sided mirror at the hermit man, Peter Patter, sitting cuffed to the metal table.

"Emma," Regina breathed as she turned to the blonde with a happy inquisitive look.

"Yep!" Emma exclaimed. "He finally confessed!"

That day at lunch time after Peter Patter had been taken to lock up in a larger town about an hour's drive from Storybrooke. The town, or what seemed to be the whole town, celebrated in Granny's diner.

Regina noted that Emma hadn't been this happy in about two months, it was nice to have Emma back- she strongly preferred Emma to Ms. Swan.

…

That night Regina went to read another entry, and sadly she noted it was what appeared to be the last entry; it made Regina sad and happy at the same time. She read the top, it was dated for 9 weeks ago, which was 2 weeks into the, now solved, murder investigation.

 _With hell breaking lose I do my best_  
I sit, ready to protect  
in my bullet proof vest

 _I wait at night_  
I watch the lights go out  
I sit tight and wait for the light

 _When the sun comes_  
she leaves  
her roll away benz  
as black as the night before

 _She hasn't noticed for two weeks now_  
I do my best each day to protect  
it's not that I expect more  
but still I do my best to stay Emma  
I do my best each day to connect  
I no longer want to be Ms Swan

Regina let out a shaky breath upon reading the name within the poem. Emma. Regina was reading Emma's journal. Regina realised that she had touched herself to the thought of Emma.

Regina let out a loud grasp as she read it twice over. "Her roll away benz, as black as the night before" Regina was shaking and sweating in places she didn't know existed.

It was her, Emma had been writing about her. Regina could barely believe it, she could barely contain screams of happiness. How could she have missed it! It made so much sense.

Regina flung herself out of bed and quickly pulled on her clothes from the day just past.

She drove to the station assuming Emma would be doing the final paper work for the "tragic magic show." As Regina screeched into parking lot she saw a light on which made her beam with joy.

Regina ran into the police station with the journal in hand to find Emma.

"Regina?" Emma asked looking up from her papers.

"Emma!" Regina said she rushed over to Emma and kissed her without second thought.

"Regina!" Emma grasped now standing to meet Regina's eyes.

Regina noted the lack of anger or happiness in Emma's expression so she merely held up the book, which in hindsight was a bad idea.

"My journal!" Emma yelled as she snatched it from the brunette. "You've had my journal?! I sent you a message about it and what?! You just kept it!?" Emma was fuming.

"What?" Regina asked more calmly "What message?" She added as Emma seemed to ignore the first question.

"I sent you a message saying that I thought I left my journal in your office and if you found it not to read it and hand it straight back to me." Emma was pacing but she paused for a moment. "That was 9 weeks ago!"

Regina was truly baffled, she hadn't received such a message, and she would have remember that. "I received no such message." Regina said, a little angry now that she was being accused for something she clearly didn't do.

Emma just shook her head as she pulled her phone from her back pocket to search for the message. But as Regina had said, it wasn't in her sent messages to Regina, or to anyone. But in the bottom right hand corner the draft box had a little "1" hovering over it. "Fuck" Emma let out quietly, almost too quiet for Regina to hear, almost. And surely enough there was the message Emma had intended to send to Regina sitting in her draft box, how could Emma have missed that?!

Emma knew she had to admit defeat. "Fine, I didn't sent you that message but STILL! That is clearly someone's personal journal why would you keep reading it!" Emma started pacing.

Regina sighed, she knew she was in the wrong for reading it and, well, there wasn't really a proper reason either. "I'm sorry. I- Its just- well- I started reading the first page because I thought it would tell me whose it was." Regina tried moving closer to Emma but Emma just responded by moving further away. "I told myself I wouldn't read anymore, and didn't for days, then I just couldn't resist. The writing- your writing- was so beautiful, it drew me in. I read a little bit more each night. I tried to guess who it was, I wanted to give it back." Emma shot Regina a glare "And yes, I wanted to finish it, it was so beautiful." Regina added,

Emma's glare softened for a moment and Regina continued "I started to, ugh, I know it's foolish but I started to have feelings, feelings for the author, you, I kept reading because I wanted to know more about you, the author's life"

It was now as if Emma had realised something, her nostrils flared. She stalked straight over to Regina and pushed the journal into Regina's chest without letting go of it. "You read my fucking journal!" Emma kept repeating herself but with each time she said it the words became less angry and more scared, as though Emma was becoming afraid of Regina. "I can't believe it." Emma said softly as she rested herself against one of the office desks.

And that was when it hit Regina, she had read  _Emma's_  journal. "Oh god" Regina let out breathlessly as she pinched her nose between her thumb and forefinger. Regina hit herself on the inside, she knew why Emma was so angry. She had read Emma's journal from cover to cover, everything, Regina knew everything.

"Emma, I am so sorry." Regina said this because yes she had read the journal but it was also addressing everything in the journal, from hook to the break up and the, oh god, Emma had had an abortion, she must have felt so alone. Regina felt her heart sink.

Emma knew what the sorry was for but she was so mad at Regina- the women she had fallen in love with and apparently the one that had fallen in love with her. Emma started to cry, she didn't know how to cope with this. Regina knew everything.

"Regina" Emma whispered between sobs.

"Emma" Regina's voice was soft and smooth, calming. Regina rested herself on the desk next to Emma. Emma fell easily into Regina's arms. The women stayed like that for what could only be describe as hours. Both women had shed a fair amount of tears, but conversation lacked until the sun started to rise.

Regina opened the conversation with something small. "I'm sorry that happened to you" Regina wasn't really discussing anything in particular, Emma could take it as she will. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't come to me, or anyone. I'm truly sorry."

Emma just nodded for a while, not really knowing what to say; this was the first time she had talked about anything in that journal, even about Hook- Emma had claimed he left because of his wonderlust, which was something no one really doubted, so they didn't question it. And well everything else; that was just not an option for conversation topics.

"Emma," Regina started softly. Emma lifted her head and looked into Regina's eyes. "If you let me, I will stand by you. I will hold you at night and I will love you and care for you. I will give you what you need, no matter what that may be."

Emma kissed Regina, at first it was a soft and loving kiss but it quickly became a heated and passionate kiss. Both Emma and Regina were unwilling to pull away from the kiss in fear that this was all a dream.

"Regina," Emma moaned as she gently pulled away from the kiss. "I want that, more than you know. I want you- I want to be with you; but I need time, I can't just rush into this." Emma took in a shaky breath before continuing. "I've been crying on you for what I think is about 6 hours now. I'm not okay." Emma let a few more tears fall. These were tears that Regina whipped away with her thumb. "I need to, gosh, Regina, I need help. I- we won't work with me like this. Please, give me time and then I can give myself to you. I could give you what you need." Emma court Regina's brown eyes and spoke again. "In time."

Regina was breathless. She had found the author, Emma, the mother to her son. Regina knew her feelings weren't going to go away, she wanted to stay. "I don't expect to rush anything" She said gently as she cupped Emma's face with both hands now instead of one. "I want you, and I want you to know you have me. I want to be here for you, I want to be here  _with you._ Em, I choose you. Take time, take space, take whatever you need."

Emma's only way of expressing her emotions and gratitude was kissing Regina once more. The kiss was more loving this time and rather than completely pulling away the two women rested their foreheads together and shared a smile.

"I love you, Regina Mills." Emma whispered.

And she was happy to hear Regina's "and I you, Emma."

 


End file.
